Perfection. As entrepreneurial moms living in Miami, we know all about that right? We live in a city that exudes beauty and high standards of service and care. We know that the competition is deep and sharp. We juggle home life, business life, social life, and self-care every single day, and usually with a smile on our faces. Well today we will discuss 5 Ways to Deal with Perfectionism.
But first, how many times (a day) do we feel the pull to be at a million places at once or else something may just not go right? The Mother-load is real and heavy. As moms, we can do more in one morning than other people in a week, because we learn that if we don’t, it just won’t get done.
I used to think that way, until I decided that my life needed a makeover for my family and my sake.
Perfectionism in it of itself is not a bad thing. It motivates us to get organized and to set and reach goals. But, if left to its own devices, it can morph into this taskmaster that does not let us relax and enjoy life.
Perfectionism is also so subjective, because what you deem perfect can be extra or irrelevant to another person. It’s a matter of opinion. The problem is that we believe the thought to be a universal truth and we act on it as if life depended on it. It is pervasive, and before you know it, it has infiltrated every aspect of your being. How you dress, how you parent, how you act around your friends, loved ones, co-workers.
Here are 5 ways to dealing with perfectionism
- Become aware. Take a moment or a few days and just notice yourself. Notice your thoughts. They are so automatic at first that you may not even realize the amount of judging you do all day. Did you know that we think approximately 60,000 thoughts a day? Pay attention to the quality of your thoughts and how often you are putting yourself (or others) down.
- Go with the flow. If you constantly find yourself second guessing your responses, or lashing out and then justifying it later, usually, it is because you have an idea of how a situation should have gone and it turned out not at all as planned. As you become more aware of your thoughts, you also will begin to recognize that you have a script in your mind of how things should go. Try to play with that script. Maybe it can go differently, and you may be okay with it.
- Find healthy outlets for your feelings. Self-care is a buzzword now and with good reason. It is not selfish or vain to take care of yourself. Re-read that as necessary.
- Don’t offer your opinion If you find yourself handing out opinions like they were BOGO offers, and the response is not what you expected, it could be that you are overstepping boundaries and it’s time to get back in your lane. You may have the perfect solution to your friend/spouse/child’s problem, but if they aren’t asking you, don’t offer your opinion. Everyone has their timeline and you can’t save them from the lessons they need to learn, at least, without the repercussions of resentment and dependency.
- Be in the present moment. Perfectionists tend to think a million steps ahead and already have four solutions to the hypothetical situation before it even arises. But they are terrible at being in the moment. There is a sense of vulnerability that ensues when you’re with someone and only focused on that interaction on that given moment. You are fully engaged and connecting on a deeper level. The chores can wait.
With constant action these 5 Ways to Deal with Perfectionism will help you get through the day. The moms I work with feel such a relief once they get it because they realize the irony of it all. The harder they strived for perfection, the more problems they encountered. And no, I am not suggesting that you let everything go off the wayside. On the contrary, it’s about finding true self-care and letting that permeate into all the other stratospheres of your world so that you can step out of the hamster wheel and start living the life you were meant to.
This February, we celebrate Valentine’s Day. I suggest we start with taking care of the one person who will be with you for the rest of your life. You. You deserve it.
Dr. Eva Benmeleh provides therapy, consults, and assessments to help moms deal with perfection and raise anxiety free kids. Phone: (786) 383-4942 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org www.mytreetopcenter.com | Instagram: @dr.evabenmeleh
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